Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
