Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
