i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
