I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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