We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
