your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
