you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize