hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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