so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
