Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just saw a hot homeless man
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
