why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
