What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
