Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
