4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
