The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
