forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
