I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
