I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
