I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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