Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
