And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Randomize
