I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
