Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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