That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
