How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
