Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
