We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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