Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
