Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize