Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
