The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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