if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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