Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Randomize
