I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
