She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
