I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
