I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
