I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
