Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
