I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
