I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
