hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
