I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
