Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
