U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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