a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
