It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
