and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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