Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Randomize
