why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
