The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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