Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize