you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
