god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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