Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
