ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Hippo gnu deer
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
