i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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