forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
