I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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