I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
