yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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