well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
