Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Boobs speak an international language.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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