i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
