I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
