So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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