drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
