im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
