Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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