I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
