I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
