Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
