11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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