"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
