and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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