i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
