dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You are a genius and a whore.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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