Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
