Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
