you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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