New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
