Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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