So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
