You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize