I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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