I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
