Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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