I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
