Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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