OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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