Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My cat gives me a boner
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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