you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
