I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
