mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think my nap took me to another dimension
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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