no, he came in my armpit
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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