I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
We need to rekindle our bromance
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
