i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
