The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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