new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
