sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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