Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
