Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
