so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I didn't notice because vodka
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
