why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
