I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We need to get me chipped asap
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
