im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I think I died a long time ago.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize