i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
