I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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