He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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