I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
